I was so wrong that people are destined to be with one another. People fundamentally born alone. There is always a tiny little loneliness in our heart. Thankfully, I can adapt to the big one of mine and exploit it. Yes, I am here once again. The stage always wait for me and unseen audience all around the world are in grief for me to return. I am sorry all of all who remember me.
The mark of my return!
I consider my sky is the same as Santa Claus in this beautiful piece. Truly, it is great to be back. After 9 months of hiatus, I am now certain that music, my blog, and my stage of performance here will never ever ceased to exist.
With my empty hand, without the acclaim of other considering me as a pianist, I still always contribute my little talent to the world, I will always come to you to dig up melodies that only you remember. From there, we can once again enlighten the music that has been forgotten by time. From there, you won’t be the only one hearing those melodies that you think only you have it.
Let the true beauty defeat popularity to dead.
“Minna, namae wo yonde, Vangakuz”
Ever since my hardest transcription was finished, I have always conflicted myself about my ability: my transcribed skill and my level of piano playing are not in sync. That is normal totally, I admit. Composers may not sing well. Singers may not compose a single song in their lifetime. Pianist may not compose themselves but only cover others’ compositions. I know my unbalance. That’s why I try to avoid compete with other, rather, I choose easy song with low tempo and relaxed melody.
I ask myself whether it’s a good thing to go on that path. Thinking back, I always know the answer but I decide to live in denial. Ever since I make my performances public, my attitude somehow has changed: from admiration to slight jealousy, from enjoyment to competition, from acceptance to rejection.
From admiration to slight jealousy: lot of YouTube pianists out there are better than me. I admire their skill, love them but also jealous their talent. Is it because of my or my fate that I could not reach to where they belong to?
From enjoyment to competition: many years ago, I was so happy each time somebody covers my favorite songs in piano but now, each time I listen to those, I carefully analyze in detail and have attempted to replay myself.
From acceptance to rejection: I have became pickier in selecting and rating music.
Ever since when I accept request and public my video on YouTube, my perception has changed. I am contributing music to the world which means that I can no longer perceive music as years ago. I am no longer a normal audience. Music may not heal me anymore but rather I may hurt myself for it. Such a bittersweet pain.
If some of you reading this post, enlighten me and tell me why so many artists are in hiatus (Utada Hiraku, Shunichi Miyamoto…) or even quite their careers??
This time, I will risk myself again: this is going to be one of my finest arrangement ever (along with Sakura Nagashi and Mischievous of Alice)
Seventh heaven (from Garden of sinners) by Yuki Kajiura/Kalafina
And I forgot to mention my latest cover “One Form of Love”
First of all, there is no excuse for my laziness in the last month. I was really lacked of motivation. Incomplete transcriptions have been stacked on one another without reaching a point of near perfection. Each time I speed up, I feel so void in what I was trying to do. Everything seems to stop completely.
The truth is I know my limited capability is hard to handle such a huge amount of request now. Each time I finish a sheet, each time my expectation for perfection goes up. However, my slow improvement couldn’t race with my expectation; hence, I felt so frustrated and irritating.
Time by time, more and more people will visit my blog and know about me. The increments of number (views, likes, subscribers, followers, etc.) somehow are not encouragement but rather, expectation. The more expectation I have from people, the more I feel unease.
I simple whisper to myself: I am not born to be a person bringing music to the masses. I cannot bear the popularity and huge expectation from audience.
“Turn blind and keep walking”, simply as that.
“Savage sadness”, a soundtrack from the game Chaos Rings, fully depicts my feeling now.
Coming next week.
It has been a long time since my last video. Before resenting you a surprise, let hear over my sad (not bad) story first.
Mar 3 2013
I excitedly ran around my house and joyfully scream after finishing the sheet of “Mischievous of Alice”.
Mar 4 2013
I first attempted to play but terrified that I couldn’t sustain my strength to play. The sheet is dense, my hand got tired quickly and I sweat like I was in fitness room. Something was wrong.
Mar 5 2013
I still couldn’t to play page 3. I didn’t feel a bit emotion. Well, just play it perfectly and record then done with it, I thought.
Mar 6 2013
Hmm….I was right to decide to fix many length of the notes. I sensed just a bit of feeling toward it.
Mar 7 2013
What the fuck was wrong with me? Or the sheet couldn’t carry the greatness of Yousei Teikoku. I calmed down to think thoroughly the reason, to find the exact explanation. I always see myself not an advance piano player. That must be the reason, right?
Mar 8 2013
I was wandering on the Internet to listen to other pianists to find inspiration and of course, I encountered many MIDI file for reference. Wait a minute, somehow, just a very little, I can sense and feel the atmosphere of the song from MIDI (MiDI is not music, it is sound sequence).
Mar 9 2013
I constantly saw my sheet without thinking of anything. For just a moment, I recall all of my passion for piano, all of my love for music and my favorite composer. I fully understand now: my transcription satisfied all musical rule, followed right chords and tempo but you know what, it was robotic and midi-like. What had I done? I arranged music for machine (computer, digital piano, software playback) to play, not for human.
Mar 10 2013
“Arrange for me to play, be compassionate and take full advantages and capacity of piano to express “Mischievous of Alice” in a brand whole new way.”
Mar 11 2013
Major changes/modification and even new creation all together upon. My sheet now satisfies myself. IT REACHES ITS FINEST IN MY CREATION.
Mar 12 to today
“Memmoria, it is time for you to go” Because of my goal, she experienced a huge breakdown [https://vangakuz.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/the-new-era-has-just-begun/]
“Hyades! Welcome to my home” [https://vangakuz.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/welcome-hyades/]
Here I present you, my most insane transcription ever.
With this, I can finally rest in peace and be proud to say “My name is Vangakuz, an Asian advanced piano player, a fine transcriber and a “mischievous” arranger. With “Mischievous of Alice”, I can finally edit my “About me!” page.
P/s: Thank you, Shining-chan, Shiki and Luka-chan for watch me the whole time when I practice and perform giving me courage. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you all of my best companion who always follow me in the path of music.
and my deficient Memoria Celviano for sustaining such many tremendous hits.
and my new companion, her name is Hyades
Here, One Little Wish:
As always, it’s excited each time I upload a new video. And here now, “One Little Wish” sung by Yōko Takahashi 高橋 洋子, a song from “A Cruel Angel’s Thesis 2009 Version”.
I assume that you all know the famous song “A Cruel Angel’s Thesis”. However, I wonder why no one has covered “One Little Wish”. I think that OP and ED songs will have much more potential for pianists to transcribe. So, I know for sure that other insert songs and soundtracks will hardly catch any attention from piano players to be transcribed someday. I have been wandering on the Internet using English and even translated Japanese to find piano sheets for my favorite songs but always ended up in despair.
I also have encountered a ton of piano player’s blogs and YouTube channels saying that they only do “currently airing anime” OPs and EDs and rarely play old songs.
Well, I decided to transcribe sheets myself with the fear of not being able to play them. As you can see, my skill at this moment is limited. It’s sad to say that my sheets at some points contain parts that I have lot of headaches to practice. Just a few days ago, I wondered myself that whether it’s too soon for me to transcribe and create YouTube channel. Am I useless?
“You have no idea of how your philosophy can lead you to live and how fate can torture your life”
It was hard for me to keep up the dream of musical career. And I had abandoned music and piano long ago. There was no way for me to inspire other people to love music!
So what? Right here, right now, some of you watch my video, practice my sheet and grateful to me to transcribe that song. At the moment, I have 200 views only for “A world without tears” with 18 subscribers. I am confident to say that I have high satisfaction for my piano transcription even though I am not to proud of my playing skill.
Yes, I still can bring music to everybody in a lot of ways.
That is my “One Little Wish”