First of all, there is no excuse for my laziness in the last month. I was really lacked of motivation. Incomplete transcriptions have been stacked on one another without reaching a point of near perfection. Each time I speed up, I feel so void in what I was trying to do. Everything seems to stop completely.
The truth is I know my limited capability is hard to handle such a huge amount of request now. Each time I finish a sheet, each time my expectation for perfection goes up. However, my slow improvement couldn’t race with my expectation; hence, I felt so frustrated and irritating.
Time by time, more and more people will visit my blog and know about me. The increments of number (views, likes, subscribers, followers, etc.) somehow are not encouragement but rather, expectation. The more expectation I have from people, the more I feel unease.
I simple whisper to myself: I am not born to be a person bringing music to the masses. I cannot bear the popularity and huge expectation from audience.
“Turn blind and keep walking”, simply as that.
“Savage sadness”, a soundtrack from the game Chaos Rings, fully depicts my feeling now.
Coming next week.